Happy New Year?

Like many of you, we have experienced a difficult year; a year of what sometimes seems like more downs than ups. But the reality is that each year is still full of the many blessings God has bestowed on us. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of the bigger picture.

Enjoy this excerpt from "In Conversation with God", my favorite way to start each day. It is written by Francis Fernandez.

"But what do most people mean by Happy New Year? Doubtless they mean a year free from illness, pain, trouble or worry; that instead, everyone may smile on you, that you flourish, that you make plenty of money, that the taxman doesn't get you, that you get a rise in salary, that prices fall, and that the news is good every morning. In short, that nothing unpleasant may happen to you. (G. Chevrot, Eight Beatitudes)

It is good to wish these material good things for ourselves and other so long as they do not make us veer away from our final goal. The new year will bring us our share of happiness and our share of trouble, and we don't know how much of each. A good year for a Christian is one in which both joys and sorrows have helped him to love God a little more. It is not a year that comes, supposing if were possible, full of natural happiness that leaves God to one side. A good year is one in which we have served God and our neighbour better, even if, on the human plane, it has been a complete disaster. For example, a good year could be one in which we are attacked by a serious illness taht has been latent and unsuspected for many years, provided we know how to use it for our sanctification and that of those close to us.

Any year can be the best year if we make use of the graces that God keeps in store for us and which can turn to good the greatest misfortunes.

For the year just beginning God has prepared all the help we need to make it a good year. So let's not waste even a single day. And when we happen to commit sin, or fall into error or discouragement, let us immediatley begin again, in many cases through the sacrament of Penance.

May we all have a good year, so that when it is over we can come before God with our hands full of hours of work offered to him, apostolate with our friends, innumerable acts of charity with those around us, many little victories over our self-love, and unforgetable meetings with Our Lord in Holy Communion.

Let us resolve to convert our defeats into victories, each time turning to God and starting once again.

And, finally, let us ask Our Lady for the grace to live during this new year with a fighting spirit, as if it were the last that God was going to give us."

On that note, I wish you all not just a Happy New Year, but a good year as well.

How I'm Ending my Year

We are almost recovered from Christmas. Almost. We always get hit with more stuff than anticipated, and after 3 weeks off I am trying to restore some order to our home. So there is a major PURGE going on here. Of course, one thing always leads to another and it seems our whole house needs some going through.

Even as I sit, I hear the pitter patter of little feet above my head, scrambling to put away before hurricane Mom hits. OK, maybe not so much a pitter patter as a herd of elephants. Either way, I am so grateful for all of the frozen soups and stews and pizza that we stored up on, because we are working up quite an appetite around here and the last thing I feel like doing is making another mess.

This is just how I like to start my new year. It will be almost 4 weeks of no school by the time we start up again, and there will be no revving our engines; that pedal will hit the floor next Monday and I'm hoping that our house will be ready. Off to the trenches...

Lucky Thirteen

Thirteen years ago I married the love of my life, three days after Christmas. Thirteen years, three moves, five jobs, two miscarriages, three children, seven or so insurance plans later, here we are. We have a tradition of going out to a French restaurant each year. We always try something unusual; we've had squab (pigeon), escargot, quail, and a few other interesting dishes. Somehow the French know how to take the most unappetizing food, wrap it in filo dough, drench it in a rich butter sauce and make it taste heavenly.

We always look back at our past year and set goals for the new one. It is a wonderful way to end the past year and helps us to focus on the things that really matter. Our conversation is varied; we talk about our aspirations for the following year, be it goals for school or household projects. We don't limit ourselves to practical things though. We've been known to talk about our dream of having a vacation home someday where we can spend extended time away with our children and grandchildren. We talk about our dream of having a house big enough to host our extended families for holidays; a guest room for those who travel. We talk of more kids, about homeschooling, about Steve's business. Though the topics are many, they always seem to have a common thread. Family. Hospitality. Reaching out to others. Teaching our kids. Passing on the faith to our children.

This year we missed our dinner out for the first time. Steve was sick the day before our anniversary and was just too tired to go out. He was too tired even to dream. So we missed our tradition. I really missed it. I spent the day cleaning out the boys room in anticipation of painting, finally after 3 years of living here. Cleaning the room of two pack rats was not exactly the most romantic way to spend our anniversary, but it had to be done. The day was not as I had envisioned it, but I realized that here in our home, in the midst of sickness and messy rooms, I was living out my marriage vows. In sickness and in health. In good times and in bad.

Our dinner will come. We'll talk about what's been the toughest year we've had thus far. We'll dream that business will pick up and that we'll be able to replace the hot water heater before it goes. I anticipate that we'll be talking about more practicals than last year, because right now that vacation home is just too difficult to imagine. We are just so grateful to have the home God has given us, even if it has no garage (who ever thought a garage would be a dream???) and even though the dishwasher is on it's last leg. I feel a little like George Bailey in 'It's a Wonderful Life' this year. We have a roof over our heads, three precious gifts from God and our faith. And isn't that what really matters? And maybe by the time we get out for a dinner to discuss it all, we'll have a newly painted room for the pack rats.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life!

The Best Christmas Present EVER

Seven years ago today the best Christmas present I ever got was delivered at 6:30 AM. Kind of early for a present you might think. And you would be right because this package came exactly a week earlier than expected. Well, earlier than my OB expected. But I have to admit that when I heard I was due with our second baby on Dec. 31, my first thought was, oh no, I'm going to be in the hospital on Christmas. I don't know why I thought that, but I joked all during my pregnancy that I was the only pregnant mother hoping to be late. Maybe it was because our oldest son was only 3 and just beginning to 'get' Christmas and I really, really wanted to be as present as possible. Perhaps it was because I knew I would really miss celebrating the real meaning of Christmas with the songs our musical family always sings. Or maybe it was because I really, really love food and what Italian family doesn't know how to celebrate the second most important part of Christmas, which is food. Lots and lots of food.

When I went to bed on December 23, quite ready for the holidays, presents bought and wrapped a month ago, tree up and decorated, wreaths hung on all our windows, garland hanging on our almost finished new front porch, I thought I'd made it. I couldn't wait for Christmas Eve and for all of the festivities to begin. And then I woke up. 1 AM. Crap. That felt like 'something'. Now normally I would have waited a while to see what was going on, but this was 1AM on Christmas Eve and I just knew. I. Just. Knew. This was IT. Even though the contractions were not too close together or too painful, I knew my prophesy of 8 months earlier was coming true. So I called the OB who felt that I should come in because he was just about to deliver another Christmas angel and he would be at the hospital for a while anyway. So away we went. When I arrived it was obvious our little guy was coming soon.

Despite the dread I had felt earlier, it turned out to be the most peaceful night I'd ever experienced. It had started snowing and the hospital was earily quiet, perhaps because all of the inductions and scheduled C-sections that NJ hospitals are so famous for were not scheduled on such a holy day. As I held my newborn son for those hours after his birth with my husband by my side, I experienced a small taste of what our Blessed Mother must have felt. I had received the best Christmas present I would ever get, all wrapped up in small white blanket with little ducks all over it. OK - maybe a bit cozier than swaddling clothes, and I bet Joseph wasn't busy by Mary's side trying to assemble a Playmobile airplane with a hundred pieces, but you get the point.

When people find out when Damian's birthday is, I almost always get 'that look', like were you crazy? I've been asked 'What were you thinking?' by total strangers. They've even made comments about the lousy timing of his big day, right in front of him. These are the same people who tell their horrible birth stories to the expectant mom in line in front of them at the grocery store. Would I be mean to say that sometimes I think there is a special place in Purgatory for people like that? OK, I won't say it, but I might think it next time someone gives me 'that look'. What I think is so interesting is that only adults seem to think this. Damian thinks it is so cool that he shares a birthday with Jesus. He loves that he gets more gifts that everyone else. And he loves that because he sees ALL of his extended family on Christmas, he gets the biggest birthday party, besides the one with his friends in January. And because his mother feels just a bit bad for reasons that he is clueless to, she overcompensates just a wee bit to make his special day not get lost in the busyness of the day.

So, 7th Happy Birthday Damian! I love you so much. Thanks for making Christmas extra special with your big smile. And never let people convince you that you were born a week early. You came just on time.

What's in a name?

I had to change the name of my blog. I am so technologically challenged that I started a blog and proceeded to lose it - all in one day. I had no idea how to find it, so I googled "Blessed Among Men" blog. I was so excited to see the results! Except...it wasn't my blog. In fact, it was much better looking. I kind of ignored it for a few months; I mean, with only two followers (thanks, Jaclyn and Angela), who really cared, right? But I found myself returning to this blog often. Not mine, but that other one. I was starting to feel like I was a copycat, even though I had no idea her blog existed earlier. Besides, she has 6 boys, and somehow it seemed to me that she was more entitled that I. So here I sit on the couch trying to come up with a creative title that reflects who we are. I am not great in the creative department, so I asked my hubby for help. Everything we came up with was either too boring, or too common and most likely taken. After some discussion we came up with Homeschool on the Couch. Actually it was a toss-up between Homeschool on the Couch and Homeschool in the Kitchen. Ultimately the first won out because, honestly, homeschooling on the couch is probably my favorite thing that we do all day. Why? Well, that's for another post.

Value of a tooth

Damian (to mom): I can't believe I have another loose tooth. I'm going to get a dollar from the tooth fairy.

Mom: Is that how much she gives you? That's a lot of money!

Damian (with a very bashful look on his face): I think it's because I'm so cute. Long pause. Christian only gets 50 cents.

Just a spoonful of sugar...

helps the probiotics go down?

Overhead from playroom:

Dr.: You'll have to take your probiotics. I have no idea what they are, but they should help.

Sounds of patient resisting...

Dr.: OK - then you need to take fish oils. That will definitely help.


Dr. Burstein would be proud.

Letting Boys Be Boys

Letting my boys be boys at this very moment means letting them shoot bottle rockets in the back yard. They should be inside finishing school work, but during their break they decided to drag out the hose and start shooting off a rocket. They should be inside doing science; instead they are outside experiencing science. I think the whole neighborhood is experiencing science along with them. Our hose makes this ungodly high-pitched sound when it's on - so loud that if I try to water the garden while Ben sleeps he sometimes wakes up yelling 'go swimming now!'. The water, coupled with the rocket launch, the air pump and the shrieking of 3 very excited boys is certainly being heard all over our small neighborhood. This is what many would call a 'homeschool moment'. It's what I call a break for mom, who really should be doing laundry...

Simplicity

Homeschooling by its very nature comes with a lot of 'stuff' - schoolbooks, storybooks, craft supplies, science kits, history projects, books, books and more books! Add to that the fact that many of us are teaching 2, 3, 4 or more kids and you can imagine how much 'stuff' we can accumulate. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not really into the streamlined look of Pottery Barn. I love trinkets and color and collections, so it might seem odd that I have really been trying to embrace the idea of simplicity this Lent. It started with the regular feeling of being overwhelmed with the housework that many of us experience. In the midst of all the work it dawned on me that I spend much of my time organizing, cleaning and straightening up 'stuff'! Now I am not about to get rid of it all, but clearly when I begin to feel overwhelmed it is time to revisit each room and really try to weed out a bit. I mentioned in yesterday's post that I try to stick to a 10-minute cleanup rule. If I can't regularly straighten up a room in 10 minutes, even after it has been well organized, then it is too cluttered. Either way, I try to have regular decluttering and organizing sessions at our house - usually 2 or 3 times a year. There is something about this time of year that inspires me to let go. Let go of the stuff. Let go of the feeling of being overwhelmed. Let go of those things that are holding me back.

The problem is that it is hard to let go. I find that I often come face to face with fear. Fear that I might get rid of something and then need it. Fear that I might not have the money to purchase something when I need it. So my inclination is to hold on to everything that I might ever need! But then I wonder if I am trusting God. I once heard another homeschooling mom say that she never held on to stuff she would not use in the next year or two. She instead chose to trust that if God's will for her was to continue down this path, he would provide all that she needed. WOW! Did I have a big aha moment! It is one thing to be thrifty but we can really cross the line of not trusting in our Heavenly Father to provide all of the gifts he promises us, all in the name of frugality. Was I being prepared or simply fearful?

This morning I opened up "In Conversations with God" and much to my amazement this is the first line I read: "In this period of Lent the Church in this regard calls out to us frequently so that me may disengage ourselves from the things of this earth, and thus fill our hearts with God." OK, now I'm starting to get it. It's not so much about getting rid of all my stuff, though that helps tremendously. It's about being detached from the things of this world - my stuff. Detachment increases our capacity for loving God and others. Detachment makes us more aware of our desperate need for God. Detachment calls forth from us a generosity of spirit.

I thought God was prompting me to Simplicity this Lent, but now I think I need to add Detachment to that list. It may take a lifetime of Lents...

Getting It All Done

OK, so the title of this post is a bit misleading. It implies that I get 'IT' all done. In fact much of 'IT' never gets done, at least when it comes to housework. I think I iron once a year - well slightly more often, but not much. And I found out today that a year is too long to wait to clean the ceiling fan in the kitchen.

When people find out I homeschool, the first question I often get asked is how I get it all done. So my first answer is usually, "I don't." I have, however, picked up a few tricks along the way, most of which I stole from Flylady. I am not a faithful follower; I do not follow her schedule every day, I spend too much of the day in PJ's and my sink hardly ever shines. (If this is all Greek to you, check out Flylady's website and you'll soon understand.)

But I have learned some valuable lessons from her. My favorite is the10-minute cleanup. When the house seems a wreck, I set the timer for 10 minutes and concentrate on one room. Usually I start in the Living Room since that is the first room people enter. I clear that room till the timer goes off - never leaving to put things away. This is the key! It is so easy to get distracted in another room. Instead, I place the things to go away in another room, in the doorway of that room. For instance, if there are a pair of my sneakers in the LR, I place them just inside the door of my room, NEVER ENTERING THE ROOM. This way there is no room for distraction. It is amazing how much I can get done in 10 minutes. I do this in each room of the house for as long as I have. Voila! The house is usually clean in about an hour! (some rooms take only 5 minutes). If we are having a party or company and more needs to be done, the whole family chips in. Multiply 10 minutes for each family member (ok - more like 5 minutes for 6-year olds) subtract a few minutes for bickering and another few for keeping track of a 2-year old, and the time really adds up.

The other thing I've learned much about from Flylady is decluttering. For instance, if it takes me more than 10 minutes to routinely pick up a room, it is too cluttered. Time to drop a few bags off at Goodwill. When it comes to the kid's room, when it gets out of control and they need to declutter, I give them each 3 bags. They have to fill one with garbage, one with stuff to put away in other rooms and one with give away stuff.

Well, there is a meltdown happening in the other room, so I'd better go. Check out flylady when you get a chance and remember that you're never going to get 'IT' all done. Just try your best!

Happy Birthday Ben!

Well, my computer's been broken and I have not been able to post anything for a bit. One of the downsides to having a husband with a web-based business, is that he's ALWAYS on his computer! So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN! a few days late. Ben just turned 2 last week and we are trying to brace ourselves for his birthday party this weekend. When someone asked the other day who was coming I made the mistake of saying 'Just family'. Yeah, right. Just family means something like 25 people! I love all of my children so much, but Ben just has a special place in my heart right now. There's just something about this age, when Mom is still the whole world to them. Kisses to Benjamin.

Why We Homeschool (Part 2)

I thought alot about homeschooling, even before I was married and had any children. I first heard about it on Focus on the Family many years ago and something about it just fascinated me. So when our first son was in pre-K, we started to talk more about it. Around the same time, his brother was born, and I just felt too overwhelmed to think about homeschooling. I didn't think I was organized enough and that I didn't have time with a newborn. Of course, now I look back and laugh. Any veteran homeschooling mom will tell you that Kindergarten takes all of about an hour a day! But of course, I did not know that at the time, so we decided to pursue other options.

We went to a couple of open houses at the local Catholic schools, but I was immediately turned off to the long days. Why the heck does a 5 year old need computers, Spanish, art and music in K? I mean we do art stuff at home and listen to music all day. I would rather he been in school for a few hours and just do the basics. Didn't anyone know about the 3 R's anymore? Though I never pictured my kids going to public school, I knew they only had half day Kindergarten, so we decided to pursue that option. And besides, we were in one of the highest rated districts in NJ. And we lived 5 houses and a path through the woods from the school. The only problem was that when we went to visit, I was turned off once again that the school was trying to accomplish too much at such a young age - only this time in a 2 1/2 hour day! That settled it for me. I figured we would just keep him home and teach him the basics, and hopefully teach them well.

Honestly, our decision was made without really reading anything about homeschooling. Over the next few months I did alot of research. I was surprised to find out that book after book was confirming our gut feeling - that it is better to teach the basics well and skip the 'fluff' - at least for now. What I also learned is that it is better to keep the formal education to a minimum at this age and let the child work at his or her own pace. Even now, as my second son is Kindergarten age, I do very little 'formal' sit at-the-desk kind of teaching. We spend a lot of time reading, which I've learned is really the best way for them to learn. Most of us were turned off to Science and History because they were taught from boring text books. So the backbone of our homeschooling is reading. We have a lot of books. And I do mean A LOT of books. I love a good book, and am quite picky about what my kids read. We do visit the library, however I find that the library gets rid of alot of their best books, mostly because many people prefer the newest Dora the Explorer book over the wonderful, old, falling apart books the library has had for decades. I learned to always bring a bag of quarters with us on our weekly visits, because we often came home with piles of discarded books! And an overflowing stroller! I think I lost most of my baby weight after Damian simply by pushing he and Christian and 20 pounds of books home from the library.

So we started on this journey we call homeschooling. We have since learned that it is not just a way to teach our children, but truly a way of life. Teaching extends far beyond the reaches of the kitchen table, which is the desktop for many a homeschooler.

Why We Homeschool (Part 1)

I called this part one, because I'm sure I'll end up rambling on and need part 2, 3 and 4!

I'd like to say we homeschool because we are striving to raise perfect children, but as anyone who knows me can tell you, my children are far from perfect. As a matter of fact, as I type this, they are in their rooms, forbidden to talk to each other for a while, because they have been bickering all afternoon. And the baby is sleeping, which is why I have more than 2 minutes to do anything.

Anyway, back to the point. We decided to homeschool for many reasons. If I could sum it up in one reason, I'd have to say it's because we simply felt that God was calling our family to do so. Of course there are a million other reasons, but when it came down to it, we really felt that this was how we were meant to live out family life. (Just had to take a break because, despite the ban on talking, I hear alot of noise from down the hall. "Not talking - just wrestling," Damian informs me. Just goes to prove my earlier point about my not so perfect children. Cute, but not perfect!) Our decision has had a tremendous impact on the other decisions we have made for our family. For example, Steve has chosen to start his own business with the hope that someday it will do well enough to allow him more time to help with teaching. For now, he starts work a bit late so that he can do math with the boys and keep Ben out of my hair long enough for me to get one on one time with Christian. As a result, he works many, many late nights.

Another decision we have made is to limit outside activities for our family. Steve and I teach NFP (Natural Family Planning - another post in and of itself!) and mentor engaged couples, primarily because we are passionate about it, but also because we can do so out of our home in the evenings. We feel we are serving the Church in a way that fits our gifts without taking away from our family time. We have turned down a number of responsibilities, including parish council positions, because it would mean too much time away from our family. So when we are asked to serve in some capacity, the two questions we ask are 1) can we do it together and 2) can we do it at our home, with our without the kids.

One more decision that we made, that I'm sure drives my family nuts, is that we do not answer the phone for a good part of the day. This is simply because hearing the phone ring has the same effect on my children that the recess bell has on school children. Enough said!

Do I really have time for this?

Well, as the title suggests, I'm wondering if I really have time for this blogging nonsense. The truth is, I really loved creative writing in school and kind of miss having an outlet, although I wonder if anyone else cares much about how I spend my days. Seems kind of boring to me. Then again, we do some interesting things in our school day that others might enjoy reading about, like dressing up like Celtic warriors and eating like Medieval monks. In between lots of laundry and dishes of course. Well, even if no one but my boys reads this, it will be worth it.